I am trying to open up. Two bricks have now been removed but understand that i have a wall protecting me….like the Great Wall of China big so please b patient. Lets try this trust thing in a friendship first. Im too damaged to even think about a relationship at the moment…jus friends, jus friends, jus friends….right? Ugh u make me too happy and smile too much, the universe will get me back for being to happy again won’t it?? Thats how i look at life now, its all a game. I love God and i trust him, but obviously not completely otherwise i would not be freaking out at the moment. …help…someone…something…big guy up there???
I like you a lot…actually more than i should. You’ve become one of my closest friends in such a short time. You shared ur secrets with me and I’m so afraid to share mine with u. Its not bc i don’t want to, its bc the fucking dick b4 u destroyed me and i can’t trust anyone anymore. How am i supposed to trust myself to have the right judgement to rely on ppl again. I want to tell u everything, i want to be ur best friend and at the same time something more. We dated once b4 but i was jus a kid and didn’t know what i was doing so it ended and for two years we didn’t talk. First time i picked up the phone to txt u, we talked for hours and hours. It felt like almost nothing had changed and with such ease i felt safe with u…like no one could ever hurt me again. I feel like I’m under a cloak of protection and u won’t let anyone hurt me. U say u care for me jus like i do for u and u never want to do anything to hurt this new found friendship we have created. I wanna believe in ur words but its so hard and it hurts so much to try to open up. I focus all the attention on u so u won’t see the pain I’m in everyday. Once in a while u make me really smile and i start feeling like my old self again and then reality sets in and I’m back to being depressed. If i loose u i will be crushed…idk what I’m more afraid of…opening up and not having the feelings returned or skrewing this up and loosing u as a friend forever. What u have in common with that dickhole is that u could crush me in a second if u really wanted too. I’ve played with fire b4 and got so burnt they were not sure if they were going to be able to save me or not…i can’t bare the thought of playing in danger again. So i ask everyone out there, I’m very confident that this guy cares about me in a very gentle way, do i give it a shot and if it fails we can be friends or do i stay closed up bc right now I’m too afraid to trust even myself???
new guy in my life, best guy friend…i only sincerely smile bc of u